According to the cambridge dictionary, marriage is a legally accepted union between two people in which they live together, but here in INDIA it’s considered more like a one stop solution to all the possible problems. “Our son is so irresponsible and careless ,what do we do?” “Arree!! Get him married to a seedhi sushil ,decent girl , responsibility apne aap aajaegi! ” “Their daughter is always so angry and frustated!! May be she should have gotten married at the right age you know.” “His career is not going anywhere. What to do?” “Get him married to a girl with nice kundali, she might bring him luck.”
Besides these, there are a bunch of bizarre reasons our parents and the society hurl at us when we ask them “why should I get married?”
Below are the ones I got:
YOU SHOULD GET ‘SETTLED’
You are not settled when you get the job of your dreams or when you start earning a handsome amount. You would be actually considered “SETTLED” when you marry a man (with preferably a huge pay packet)!
Well, even then you ‘ll be half settled. You would be fully settled when you have one or two babies.”Meri beti XyZ ko dekho,husband and do bacho k sath settled hai london me!” Really??
ABHI RIGHT AGE HAI!!ABHI SHAADI NAHI KI TO PHIR ACHE RISHTEY NAHI MILEGE:
“But Ajay bhaiya is 32 ,hes not married yet. He’s not even looking forward to getting married any time soon! How come nobody asks him anything?”
“He is a boy, don’t compare yourself to him. Boys ki age ho to bhi chal jata ha, ho jati ha shaadi, you should get married AT THE RIGHT AGE!! Or you wont get a nice guy.”
Supposedly here , a girl’s age should be inversely proportional to a guys salary package!
SECURITY/RESPECT NAHI MILEGI SOCIETY ME:
“What if I don’t get married ever??” In normal circumstances ,this question alone would be enough to give a minor stroke to one’s parents! But if they incidentally survive the question, pat comes the reply:
“Beta marriage se SECURITY milti ha, RESPECT milti ha society me.
Tell me if somebody pulls a gun to one’s head, won’t both the husband and the wife be equally terrified? It would just be a question of “who ran faster?”
Its better to leave the security to the police and the security guards, at best you could start taking self defense classes.
And don’t even get me started on RESPECT, if a girl is married, but disrespects her elders, would she still be respected? If a husband is a drunkard /wife beater, would he be respected just because he is married?NO!!
Marriage does’nt guarantee you respect, your actions do.
RESPONSIBILTY KI FEELING AAJAEGI:
What is “responsibility ki feeling” actually? There are people who are responsible and there are people who are irresponsible. The former kind stays responsible before or after marriage and the latter remains irresponsible. About the feeling, well it comes from within, wedding mantras won’t magically transform you into some responsible, punctual and hard working person.
THINK ABOUT All THE BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES YOU ‘LL WEAR, THE PRESENTS YOU’LL GET, THAT HONEYMOON TRIP ABROAD!! AND THE GLAMOROUS PRE/POST/DURING WEDDING SHOOT!!
This is their trump card. What they don’t tell you is the responsibility and the commitment that goes into making a marriage work. Most of us these days want, grand weddings, grander receptions and expensive trips abroad. Girls want to be brides, decked up in designer ensembles and expensive jewelry but what they don’t want is the hustle that comes along.
Don’t get married for the beautiful designer clothes or the lustworthy jewelry or the exotic honeymoon trips. All of that is temporary.
AND AT LAST ,THE QUESTION THAT HAS LITERALLY KILLED A MILLION DREAMS: LOG KYA KAHEGE??
” Kuch to log kahege logo ka kaam ha kehna! ” goes a popular dialogue and it could’nt have been more on point. If you are an unmarried single woman in her 20s, you would be continuously pestered by a volley of questions from your relatives/family friends/house help/neighbours. “So what are your future plans beta?” “kuch socha ha?” “Ladke dekhne start kiye aap logo ne? iske liye?” “Hum dekhe?”.
Even auspicious festivals are not spared! “This holi/diwali is going to be your last single holi! Enjoy it.” Meaning??
Married people do not enjoy holi/diwali? What is that comment supposed to do?If anything,this comment would scare someone into not get hitched ever!
Even if you get hitched to please them, they won’t be satisfied. By then they would be ready with their next stupid question “So??Planning for a baby 😉 ? Ek saal ho gaya, you should have concieved by now. Is every thing alright? ”If that question isn’t enough for you to start plotting their murder, you my friend are blessed with a lot of patience!!
Let’s just assume you had a baby, thinking that finally you are done with the drill. They won’t shut up even then! So what play school? That is not a good school/So expensive?? “You should probably start planning for a next baby, now is the right time or the first baby would feel left out!!”
WHY THIS BLOG POST ?
Last year all hell broke loose when my childhood/college friends all started getting married. Their wedding pictures/honeymoon pictures /baby pictures begain doing rounds on the social media. Fed by all the ideas I mentioned above ,I started freaking out !! OMG!! Am I the only one who is single ? It was as if all my friends had passed a board exam and somehow, I was left behind. I was 28 then and thought the sky was going to crash!
Oh God!! Is my right age gone now? Have I missed my chance?? Am I too old to get married now? And what about the biological clock? I was in a major depression!!
What now?? Am I going to end up all old and alone with my 20 cats? Am I going to be like that wierd lady in my building, who never got married, lives with house help, smokes bidis, walks everywhere in her night gown, wears two different kinds of socks at the same time, invites random people to her house for lemon sherbet and nobody turns up!
I worried my self sick!!
Days passed on, things got better.
I met my married friends in person, talking to them about their daily life, I begain to realize, nothing had changed, every body was the same (funny,casual,a bit careless, just like me, as they always were). They were doing their regular jobs, eating normal food, running errands, doing normal things.
They were still chasing their dreams, be it professional or personal. And NO!! the society had not left the married people alone. Even they are questioned non-stop about their future (baby/play school/house/second baby) plans.
I realized that people are nosy. They would ask questions wether you are married or single, or childless or have a child ,Period!!
Listen to what they say but dont ever take it to your heart. Do things at your own pace. “SUNO SAB KI KARO DIL KI!”
Being unmarried at 28 wasn’t the end of the world and I was not left behind or anything. Marriage is just a part of life. Its not even remotely related to being or feeling settled. It’s not a solution to any problem, it’s a journey. Everyone is fighting their own battles, marriage provides you with a partner to share your life with, to be with you in your battles.
My advice to you is stay single, take your time before taking the plunge. Even if you grow old, there would be plenty of fish in the matrimony sea.
Don’t do it cause your parents told you to or because all your friends got married or the guy your parents found is really rich (he might not be that good a person you know! you two might not get along that well )
There is no right age for getting married, there is a right time though, which differs from person to person. You could get married when you’ve found your soul mate or there could be that perfect job or pay packet that you were chasing, and now that you have it, you want to get married or maybe you want to raise a family. The reasons might be plenty but they should all be your reasons. Nobody else’s!
Get married when you are ready, for the commitment of a lifetime. When you want to share that last slice of pizza , last sip of your favourite wine, your T.V., your side of bed, your bathroom, your lazy afternoons, your crazy evenings,your much deserved success, your unwanted failures, your struggles, your untold secrets and your family with the person you love.
Hope this post released the pressure and helped all you single ladies to freak out a little less. Let me know what you think and also share the reasons you got , in the comments section below.I would be back with a new post soon !
Love and Light,
द शीक महारानी